


Happiness is a Root Canal

by spikesgirl58



Series: Halloween Challenge 2020 [8]
Category: Addams Family - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:33:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27191111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spikesgirl58/pseuds/spikesgirl58
Summary: Fester decides he needs a career and what better than dentistry?
Series: Halloween Challenge 2020 [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1975084
Comments: 8
Kudos: 5





	Happiness is a Root Canal

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ravena kade](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Ravena+kade).



He should have been happy. Halloween was just a few days away and that always meant company shuffling in and out. There would be special treats from the kitchen and he would get to spend additional time with his favorite niece and nephew. Yet, nothing seemed to jar Fester Addams loose from his funk.

He played with his porridge, barely able to sum up the enthusiasm to fork the mud snails. For their part, they were doing their best to escape. 

“Dear Fester.” Morticia hugged him. “What’s gotten into you this morning?”

“Nothing,” he mumbled to his bowl.

“Come on, old man!” Gomez sat down beside him. “If you can’t be miserable with family, then who?”

“I’m not miserable.”

“I see a few mud snails that would disagree.” Gomez set aside his paper and studied his older brother. Usually Fester was a bundle of energy and happiness at this time of the year. 

“Would you like something else? Pterodactyl egg over hard?”

“No… thank you…I’m just…” He sighed, not even bothering an attempt upon his escaping breakfast.

“No Addams is just anything, Fester!” Gomez pulled a lit cigarillo from a pocket and began to puff furiously. “No hard words between you and Dementia, are there?”

“What? Oh, no, no, she is wonderful. My family is wonderful.” Suddenly he slapped the table. “Why am I so ordinary when I have such an extraordinary family? Look at you! You two have made something of yourselves. You have this glorious house, wonderful children, and such passion for each other. I’m just a nothing. I’ll never amount to anything and how can I ask Dementia to marry me when I can’t even support her?”

Gomez stared at him for a moment. “Fester, no Addams man has ever been ordinary. It’s just taking you time to find your specialty. As for money, there’s more here than we’ll ever need and you are welcome to it. You know that.”

“Yes, but it’s not my money. Money that I’ve earned.”

Gomez grabbed his heart. “An Addams? Work?”

Morticia was instantly there, soothing him. “ _Calme-vous, mon cher_.”

Instantly he had her in a feverish embrace, bending her so far back that it was amazing she didn’t break in two. “Tish, that’s French. Say something else, anything.”

“We were talking about Fester, dear.”

“Oh, oh, yes…” Gomez made a Herculean effort to regain control. “I will deal with you later, my vixen,” he murmured as he righted her. “Fester, be reasonable. We Addams have had a long history of living off the backs of others, during the Crusades—“

“We marched with the Crusades?” Fester was shocked. It wasn’t the usual Addams stand.

“Not exactly. We made sure there were plenty of obstacles in their way… and misinformation. They weren’t getting us without a fight. Genghis Addams saw to that.”

“I don’t see how that helps me.” Fester pushed his bowl away, his bottom lip stuck out in a truculent pout. “I need a job.”

Morticia and Gomez exchanged a knowing look. “Well, old man, what does your resume look like?”

“What’s a resume?”

“We have a lot of work to do.” Morticia rose gracefully and offered him her hand. “Come with me, Fester.”

Gomez was reading the evening paper. There never seemed to be an end of bad news these days. It was wonderful. 

“Gomez, darling.” He looked up as Morticia glided across the floor.

“Yes, _Cara_?”

“May I present Dr. Fester!” She gestured to a curtain and Fester entered. He was wearing a stained white smock, holding a mouth mirror in one hand and a tarter scraper in the other. “Of Addams Family Dentistry.”

“Jolly good, old man. I didn’t know you knew anything about dentistry.

“I don’t, but it can’t be hard. Lurch has agreed to be my first patient.” With a smile, Fester scurried off.

“Does Lurch need a dentist?”

“Haven’t you wondered why you haven’t seen him for the last two days? He’s been laid up with a bad tooth.”

“I did wonder, now that you mention it.” He offered her his arm. “Shall we go see how he’s getting on?”

Gomez led her through a maze of corridors and finally stopped in front of the play room. Peeking in, they saw Lurch in a makeshift dental chair while Fester examined his mouth. From Lurch’s expression, it wasn’t a good experience.

“No use, Lurch, that tooth has got to go.” Fester turned to Pugsley, also wearing a sort of white dental smock. “Wouldn’t you agree, Dr. Pugsley?”

“Better out than in, I always say.” He hefted up a cannon ball and Fester deftly tied a cord around it. The other end he proceeded to tie around Lurch’s tooth as Pugsley dropped the ball into the cannon shaft and packed in the wadding.

“I think a two second fuse will be about right,” he said as he strapped Lurch firmly in place. The butler was making frantic guttural cries in his throat. Gomez and Morticia took refuge in the hall.

The blast shook the house to its very foundations. Thankfully, who would notice another crack in them? Gomez felt that they lent an elegant air to the place.

Curious, he pushed open the door. Fester, Pugsley and Lurch was black from the explosion and Lurch’s hair was smoking. 

“Maybe I should have used a long fuse,” Fester muttered, rubbing his ears.

“Or less powder.”

“At least that tooth is gone.”

“Um, Uncle Fester…” Pugsley held up the end of a broken string. “The tooth hasn’t moved.”

“Good thing I loaded two cannons.”

Lurch gave a frantic cry and stood up, snapping the straps that had held him in place. With a speed and agility of someone half his size, he ran from the room, nearly bowling over his employers in his haste to escape.

“Rats!” Fester looked as if he was going to cry. “What am I going to do? I made business cards and everything.”

“Perhaps you could call around to the rest of the family. I’m sure there’s someone else who could use your services. In the meantime, Fester, I’d keep the outfit. It’s you!”

“Thanks, Gomez, but I don’t think dentistry is for me. Besides, I’m late for my medical show. Today they are doing infections.” His eyes gleamed.

“May I watch, too, Father?” Pugsley looked so hopeful that Gomez merely laughed and ruffled his oldest son’s hair.

“How can I say no to that face?”

Gomez laughed as the two left, hand in hand. “It does my heart proud to see the young man we’ve raised.”

“He adores his uncle.”

“He is an excellent role model. _Cara_ , that’s it.” 

“What is it, Gomez?”

“Fester’s job! We can hire him as a role model. The money stays in the family and our children get the best that the Addams men can offer. Besides, it’ll be good practice for when he and Dementia welcome their own burden into their family.”

Morticia stroke her husband’s face lovingly. “ _Idée merveilleuse_.”

“Tish, that’s French.” Gomez tossed his cigarillo over his shoulder and snatched his wife from her feet.” “More, more!” _Faux pas, de rigueur, savoir-faire_!”

“ _Mais oui_ ,” she murmured as they kissed. Behind them Gomez’s discarded cigarillo caught the second cannon fuse and the shot echoed through the stone. However, neither of them noticed, so brightly burned their love.


End file.
